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Jessi Sappy

[ website | jessi's myspace ]
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booooo [May. 2nd, 2007|08:29 pm]
Jessi Sappy
so livejournal...blah blah blah whine blah...
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junky [Apr. 5th, 2007|08:08 pm]
Jessi Sappy
ya im the girl people gossip about because of addiction? haha, why not ugliest clothes haha...that just is funny.
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i wanna watch cartoons with you [Feb. 22nd, 2007|06:56 pm]
Jessi Sappy
dear mom, dear dad, my childhood is dying and i cant resusitate her. i dont want this body. these issues. these fights. these words. its weird all the things i want and how they have changed over time. you know that commercial that deals with the cartoon wife saying, "what do you want to weigh nothing?" to her husband losing weight. i thought yes. haha. weird? crazy? what do you do with your life thats special? i have a husband boyfriend love wesley. he likes me. we like fun. everyone loves fun, even rapists and terrorists. Peace please?
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raleigh [Feb. 20th, 2007|08:51 pm]
Jessi Sappy
raleigh harris is a lot of everything. a lot my best friend and a lot of a kid with problems, just like me. we talk about each thing in a different but incredulously in depth. the depth of a star or a lover's eye.

fashionblowtokyo: i dont care how miserable it can be sometimes
jessi sappy: life presents too much of a future to grasp what you hold right now
fashionblowtokyo: yes.

something like that. i love you raleigh.

p.s. molly + raleigh + jessi = saturday party
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starry night [Feb. 8th, 2007|10:50 pm]
Jessi Sappy
im crying my eyes out again..i called rachel and i couldnt even talk. i told wesley i proved myself that i wasnt worth it. hes not mine anymore. he doesnt deserve this. he doesnt deserve any of this. i wish he would find someone real.
at school..people called me ugly and scary. how can they see me? i should have said sorry, but instead i smiled like it was all right.
i keep thinking about the past. i made everyone happier then. couldnt suicide be a time machine, too. its useless and selfish now. i remember laying in the grass with him under the summers heat and blue skies. now everything..isnt just cold. its a blur.
no one knows where to go. not just me. raleigh..molly..niki..we're all somewhere else. we're all together though. rachel..i know..rachel is rachel..i love her. hearing her voice tonight is keeping a lot of things down.
i proved to myself that my own body has no privlege in controlling me. i proved that my mind is everything, so even thinking is horrible. i could go into a coma for days if i just start thinking. can you imagine what i could think if i had any thoughts?
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pictures..now school [Jan. 2nd, 2007|07:52 am]
Jessi Sappy
i cant stop looking at all the pictures molly took of me on new years. how can that be me? i look like i have confidence flowing out through my eyes. people actually like these pictures, but anyways there are more important things going on. we all have an eternity from another break from school. my stomach hurts just thinking about going to that cold building today, but later in the afternoon im going home with rachel. i hope we dye some of my hair and not have dinner. i dont feel like it.
wesley was really upset last night. he told me he wished he could fake his own death or run away because of his dad and his horrible wife, terry. i want to rescue him somehow but i know anything i try wouldnt amount to much. i kept telling him how i loved him and describing the future i imagined for the two of us. i want to grow old with him.
i wish i could just go to raleighs house today and molly and rachel would be there. we could all just hangout. god i have school today. where the fuck did those two weeks go? why wont my hair keep straight?
i better go take some lexapro because thats supposed to make me feel good about my widdle self...ya...in all desperation really i cant say today can or will be able to be alright.
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bozley [Dec. 27th, 2006|11:31 pm]
Jessi Sappy
oh dear, the little cat in my room is my new best friend. he lays on me like wesley could if he was a tiny striped ball. on the way home from my uncles where we received him, he did not stop meowing. i wouldnt have been surprised if my mom hated him, but i find her intwined in his face like i am. she says i can keep him if i eat?
raleigh might slumber over here tomorrow night, so im very excited. i think i should see pretty much everyone tomorrow at some point, so polo shirt it is. mollys gone and rachels sad. i wish all that would go away. i had a lot of salad today and this is a short post.
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how is it this close [Dec. 23rd, 2006|01:40 pm]
Jessi Sappy
how is the most looked forward to holiday of the year in just a few days..and in just a few days it will be over too. i mostly need all the money, but the clothes will be very fancy. i dont want any cookies, god.
im glad i got to see wesley yesterday. he gave me a promise ring. it's the best present i have ever gotten...the stone is a green square in a lovely little silver frame with balls of silver for decoration. he was curled up in a chair when he gave it to me, so i attacked him with kisses and hugs. he's the only one that can make me warm. everything happened yesterday. we found adam and went to dollar general. we got toys, like stink bombs and a cap gun. so the night went on. it was raining. stink bombs were let off in cvs. the cops were called. we left.
im guessing the jew and the immigrant that called the cops had nothing better to do than kick us out of their stupid ass cvs. they should...get married and die. ya. so me and wesley walked back home and layed together for the rest of the night, or at least until I left at 840. it was nice and warm. he is nice and warm.
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the diffusers and best friends [Dec. 17th, 2006|12:38 am]
Jessi Sappy
[Current Mood |awakeawake]
[Current Music |moldy peaches]

mmm I had a great day. Pretty much two weeks with no school, hot damn. My mom has been constantly on me about eating and clinical sadness, but no one can help that. I wish they would stop telling me how special I am. Who could say that to a shaking little girl and go home feeling half alright? Whatever, no sympathy. They commanded that I have a blood test, so I had to push it for Monday for some reasons. It worked, but that doesn't change how I dislike needles and nurses. But, my day.
Consisted of...well it all began Friday afternoon when Raleigh, Molly, and Rachel came to my house for a sleepover. That is such a party. We smoked, watched cartoons, listened to music, myspaced, and had food from Rachel. Spinach artichoke dip and peppermint bark. Charlie bought me salems which are delicious and getting me through this weekend. Well, we woke up. Molly and Raleigh went home to shower and stuff. Rachel stayed for a while, but then departed to find her beloved which is cool. Later that day, my mother and I picked Adam up and set off for Raleigh's. Adam ate all the candy he bought. I smoked and felt cold - stupid "thin blood." pfft. People found some mary jane. I watched them smoke it and spongebob. At least I have salems? Sure. Whatever, Adam brought news to me that interested me to no end, so Tuesday we're going to touch heaven then come back. Seriously, if something like that would work out. Hmmm. I met a girl named Hillary, too. She was beautiful, and now I want to grow my own hair out really long. I can try and be whoever I want.
I had this few minutes to myself on Raleigh's porch. I could hear the television talking inside her room. I could hear Molly laughing and talking to Charlie. But, I also watched the traffic going by. I wonder where they were all going, especially with their personal lives. Their physical and mental lives? I watched my smoke rise and stopped thinking for a few minutes.
Nearing 4:30. We were planning on going to a concert, but waiting on Andy. Ya, the one who sold me crushed up caffeine pills. Ha, it's cool because he is I suppose. He drove us downtown. We got so fucking lost. I love the city, but shit some of those houses are so dark. I did see all the Christmas lights which was heart warming. Molly and I could not stop laughing because of all the near death experiences. We almost died three times, but I told Andy he was an excellent driver.
Gabe was playing base when we got there at 5:40. Ya, we were only lost for quarter of an hour. We saw JT there dancing, and I spoke to my old friend. At the end of the night he gave me a really cool high five. Raleigh, Molly, and I were all in the mosh pit. All of us were at the mercy of those crazy assholes, and it was amazing. For most of the show I had on Molly's kitty cat hat.
We went to an Exxon to get candy and ciggerettes. The cashier was stupid, and candy shouldn't cost so much. 79 cents. I left Raleighs house with Charlie at about 9. She's already asleep, but will call me sometime when she wakes tomorrow. I hope Molly will see us tomorrow, too.
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what are they going to do to me [Dec. 7th, 2006|06:47 pm]
Jessi Sappy
[Current Mood |nostalgiclast week was better]
[Current Music |bob dylan]

they meaning my mother and nancy lott. im free, but not. ill never be free again pretty much. in weeks, everything has come down around me. actually days. that tuesday was the first day i didnt run and spoke to nancy. now im clinically depressed, anorexic, and have severe anxiety. GREAT. am i cool now? is that how the bell sounds freedom? i can't hear it.
my mom is forcing food at me. that makes me really happy. smiles. smiles.
tomorrow should be alright, though. kerstin's party is after school, and wesley wants to see me afterwards. ive been dying to see him. its amazing the speed the week went by. i guess time flies when your having fun. somber fun. i want to escape tonight, so i will. maybe i wont come back.
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